I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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