Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
