The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So much Jack, so little girl.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
