Only a mothe r could love this liver
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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