oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
