Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
