i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
