just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
