You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
