if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
