Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Boobs are out for the taking
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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