She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize