I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You smell like stripper and shame
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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