omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
