im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
