Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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