She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
