There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
