Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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