she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
