There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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