Your tits are I can't wait for
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
