Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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