thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
