I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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