I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
