just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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