The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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