i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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