There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
