So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize