We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
