Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This toilet bowl is my home.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize