i think my mom watched the whole time
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
