Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
