She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
