There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
