i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
