We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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