well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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