I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
