): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
