whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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