The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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