Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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