Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We are two peas in an std pod
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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