i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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