Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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