I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
