dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
