Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize