just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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