I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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