Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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