Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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