Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Why can't burritos get me drunk
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
