how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
What a dumb baby whore.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
