Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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