So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize
