We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize