then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Hippo gnu deer
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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