Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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