I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
