Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
