we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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