i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
