Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize