A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
