forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
