look no pants
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
