went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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