One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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