There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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