I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
