I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
