Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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