I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You are a genius and a whore.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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