I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
