We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
