My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
