Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
