The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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