I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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