I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
