I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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