dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My cat gives me a boner
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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