is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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