Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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