You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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