You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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