These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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