I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
