I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im holly from the hills drunk
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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