final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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